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Saturday, 20 January 2007

Always Remember - Tramp the Earth Down!


Sorry, but it's time to give the chuckle muscle a rest and talk of something which I feel very strongly about but in which I find no humour at all.
I have been deliberately avoiding writing about this but things have gone far too far. This issue, as much as any other, illustrates perfectly just how much this country has dripped, splatted and farted, diarrhoea-like, into a cesspool of ephemora, shallow thought, mindlessness and value-of-the-completely-unimportant since the Thatchbitch changed life here for good during the '80s.
Jade Goody, allegations of racism and Celebrity Big Brother. No, please don't surf off, this IS important. First of all, I have absolutely no interest WHATSOEVER in claims that an almost completely braindead, plastic-breasted, fat, Essex, chavette allegedly made racist comments to an Indian actress millions and millions of people have never heard of. Shit, just open your windows! Go for a walk! Drive into town! There are equally thick, mindless pieces of filth making racist comments every single fucking day in every single sort of fucking place. Some are pondlife chavs and chavettes, others call themselves "businessmen", some class themselves "professionals", others are in positions of power. This goes on every day. No, it is not right. Yes, they are appalling pieces of work but, and I am by nature a pessimist, these lower lifeforms WILL eventually die out, despite their spawn and the indoctrination they will give to them. When education eventually becomes a priority in this country, these morons will become as scarce as genuinely nice people in Liverpool. These people are, of course, ill-educated wankers and, apart from being confronted about their childish, pathetic views when they choose to air them in public, should not be given the time of day.
Now, THE ISSUE. We get 20 or so MPs signing a Commons motion objecting to this TV programme's output, it takes up a chunk of Question Time on the BBC on Thursday night and it has been wall-to-wall on the BBC and other channels since. All this does is publicise the fat tart and her views, the fuckwit, Nazi, money-at-all-costs producers of the show and it lets morons who watch it think they are contributing to some important, political debate by airing their views. Fuck off! The lot of you!
We have a war in Iraq which this country's leader was a prime mover in instigating and we have an on-going debacle in Afghanistan - thousands have already died in both these conflicts. There are millions dying of Aids-related diseases in Africa and thousands are starving to death in various parts of the continent. We have a pensions crisis in this country which is going to leave millions in poverty, despite them having paid into what they were led to believe was a state scheme which would look after them in their old age. We have a National Health Service, the product of a true and inspirational Labour Government, which is going bankrupt thanks to fuckwit management and bean-counting policies, despite millions and millions WE (not Blair, as he tells you) have poured in and under which you have more chance of catching a fatal disease IN hospital rather than out of one. The list is endless.
What happens in the face of this tide of shit facing us, then? MPs protest in the Commons about a couple of (admittedly nasty) comments made on a TV fucking programme. We have the Prime Minister speaking out on it, the Prime Minister-in-waiting commenting on it and violence in a country thousands of miles away as a result of it. What about the other crises we and the world face? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? This is OBSCENE!!!!!!
A BBC news chief was taken to task about this issue on the telly the other day and he was asked why so much time had been spent plugging a TV show - on a rival channel, no less!!! This twat - I think he was still battling puberty - said thousands of people had texted in about it. That argument goes back to my rant about celebrity and chat magazines where publishers claim there is a demand for them. Broadcasters, like politicians, are supposed to LEAD. Here's an idea. If the chavs, braindeads, fuckwits and people with too much time on their hands want to write in about something mindless then let them. The trick is not to act on it. Like bores in pubs, they will go away and find something else to do if you fucking IGNORE THEM.
God, this makes me so angry. Big Brother, Celebrity Big Brother, Jade Goodie and ALL the newspapers and broadcasters who seem to think they are important HAVE to go to Grantham.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Gangmaster!
It's Goody, not Goodie. You thicko!

Plus, although millions of people over here hadn't heard of Shilpa Shetty, millions of people in India have. Which actually makes her the most famous celeb in there!

And finally, even though you said you were leaving humour aside for this blog, this rant was one of your funniest!! You are funnier when you are in the full flow of a serious rant (just ask ex-news editors, colleagues in district offices, the police, press officers, Grantham retards not getting your jokes, pub staff who refuse to serve you, me, councillors, flat-chested women, modern footballers and God)!!

Love you,
Big Ears

Barry Lawrence said...

Dear Big Ears,

1. I Googled this fuckwit tart and it came up Goodie as much as Goody - I hope this illustrates that I REALLY DON'T GIVE A SHIT! She is, to me, "fuckwit-twat-tart". Spelling is correct on that.
2. I KNOW this bint is known in India and to fans of Bollywood around the world. I said she was unknown to millions and millions. The population of the earth is around 4.2 BILLION. Take away the number who have heard of her. Would you say I am incorrect in saying she is not known to millions and millions?
3. Love you.

Anonymous said...

1. "Fuckwit-twat-tart" is utter genius, Reg!
2. Yes, fair point. But I wasn't saying you were incorrect. I was merely saying that she was the most famous in there and at least is a bone fide celebrity. Of course, it doesn't really matter.
3. "Don't hit me Always you hit me!"

Barry Lawrence said...

Big Ears, this, slap on head!

WEDNESDAY, 21 NOVEMBER 2007

SHORTS DON'T MATTER! 1. From the greatest programme ever made about association football, Barnstoneworth United FC manager Mr Dainty delivers one of the finest English soliloqiues of all time.......and afterwards, spare a thought for the club steward's wife Vera (YOU ONLY HAVE TO WATCH HALF OF THE CLIP!!).

Monday, 12 November 2007

Not everyone who agonises over their life is a painter. Some of us agonise because we're NOT painters.

....And On the Subject of Great Public Services

I know most of you have heard this marvellous song by those doctors who are the Amateur Transplants......but I think the video is a nice addition. P.S. If there are kids in the room I'd shuffle them out before hitting play.

...There's More

On the subject of those great doctors, here is their version of More Than Words which presents their challenging views on women outside Watford. The very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither, coming from Cumbria, is a huge fan. Again, get those kids out of the room!

Leave Britney Alone, Ok!!!

Oh...........my............God!!!!! My heartfelt thanks go to BGT for this. I won't say much more, I don't need to. Mr Loony of Loonytown, USA (I think it's a bloke, anyway), says it all. I fear he may be wound too tight for.....well.....well for everywhere, really!

Tuesday, 18 September 2007.

I wish I'd sung this! For non-Americans, and with apologies to all the smart arses out there who already knew, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission and it monitors TV and radio output in the States - a sort of broadcast police - while the EPA is the Yanks' so-called Environmental Protection Agency, a body which does exactly the opposite of what it says on the can. (P.S. We went to the same school, you know? Eric and me, that is, not George, Martha, Dick and Condoleeza and me. I don't think they went to school.) P.P.S. Please see below if you are I Like The View, Malc or Doris.

To Make You Laugh and Cry

I was listening to this on a Sunday, the very-soon-to-be ex-Mrs Pither is a Catholic, Tom Lehrer is one of my all-time heroes and this is one of his best.............no other reasons. On a more sombre note (and with thanks to Fish for coming up with this Woman's-Own-passes-the-time-in-the-dentist's-waiting-room nonsense), why not get a computer to tell you that you are a waste of space and your life is a sham of a mockery of a farce? Ok, it's from one of those poxy dating sites but...go on, take the test. You ain't got much to beat!!
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 4.2
Mind: 4.1
Body: 2.7
Spirit: 8
Friends/Family: 1.6
Love: 0
Finance: 5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
Apparently, in my case, "computer say 'no!'"

I First Saw This When I Was Little - And Loved It! I Hope That Explains a Few Things

Fuck, Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

It has been pointed out to me that, particularly for one whose profession is supposedly literary, my language is getting worse. My use of the "F" word is, I am told, far too prevalent and hence loses impact. To those who share this view I suggest you watch the following:

Tony Blair Isn't a Burglar - But If He Was.........

In the spirit of Gustav Holst's Jupiter and Manfred Mann's Earth Band, I feel like raising a smile today. The Big Green Thing alerted me to this and, for no other reason than to raise a smile on an otherwise crap Wednesday, I think it has to be shared. Grantham shall not have him - when he gets out of prison.

Life On The Edge - No Net.

I was wrong when I feared it might be a dull weekend, what with my pals being away, my soon-to-be ex-wife in rehab and only the dogs to play with. How wrong can a man be? This much fun must surely be illegal? Just click to see the japes and hoots I am having! Click again to see how things got REALLy exciting! Tomorrow we're going to chase pigeons.

The Good Old U.S. of A. - Guardians of Freedom and Democracy. Nothing to Be Scared of, Then?

Be honest........

IT'S THE QUIZ OF THE WEEK! JUST SCROLL DOWN AND HIT "FULL QUIZ".