Pither the Educator......or......That Taught Him a Thing or Two!

I helped a student today. I didn't mean to, honest. It just sort of happened.
The Pither front bell was rung at about 12 noon. The bell, incidentally, is a REAL bell hanging in the porch and is a miniature replica of the one from the Titanic - it seemed appropriate when I bought it in Belfast. Where was I? Oh, yes, the bell chimed. I shuffled to the front door. Admittedly, I was not looking my best. I had not shaved (hangover habit from the holiday), I was barefoot, in grubby jeans and an old T-shirt, I had a fag hanging out of my mouth and my black-ringed eyes gave me the overall appearance of Uncle Fester from the Addams Family. I opened the door to find a fresh-faced young lad standing on the step, grinning cheerily, with a silly, curly hairdo and he was bedecked in a dufflecoat and a long, woolen, stripey scarf, obviously knitted by a doting granny. He was clutching a clipboard and introduced himself, saying he was a student from the university - it's really a polytechnic but they got a grant to buy some more letters and so altered the sign.
The conversation with this "enthusiastic youth" went something like this:
EY (gushing): "I'm doing leisure studies and I wondered if I might ask you some questions as part of a survey I'm conducting?"
PITHER (stifling a belch): "Whatever."
EY: "Well, I have drawn up a list of leisure activities and was wondering which of them you participated in?"
PITHER: "Strictly speaking it's 'in which you participate', but get on with it."
EY: "Do you hang-glide?"
PITHER: "Are you real?"
EY: "Oh, I see. Do you play football?"
PITHER: "I'm 46! Take a wild guess."
EY: "Cricket?"
PITHER: "Nope."
EY: "Tennis?"
PITHER: "Nah."
EY: "Rugby?"
PITHER: "Keep going."
EY: "Fishing?"
PITHER: "No."
EY: "Ballroom dancing?"
PITHER: "Do you wanna fight?"
EY: "Paragliding?"
PITHER (scarcely concealing sarcasm): "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha."
EY: "Volleyball?"
PITHER: "Is this going to take much longer?"
EY: "Not much longer now, Sir."
The youth then continued trotting out his list of ways one could waste ones spare time until he got to the last option on his little checklist.
EY (Somewhat exasperated): "Urm, well......how about walking?"
PITHER: "If God had meant us to walk he wouldn't have invented cars."
EY (Adding final cross to bottom of checklist and looking up bemused): "May I ask what it is that you do in your spare time?"
PITHER (In a hoarse, gravel-like voice): "I smoke and I drink!"
With that I shut the door in the youth's face. I waited a few moments and then sneaked into the living room to catch a glimpse of the lad walking back down my drive shaking his head - and adding another box to the bottom of his checklist.
Happy to help. Enthusiasm? It's for those who don't know that everything goes tits up, no matter how much effort you put in - oh, and for the people of Grantham.